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Ruralite Cafe: Published 8/10/00By Lisa Majors-DuffTesting your ability to love nature |
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Warning: The following contains graphic descriptions that may offend some. I know it did me!
I had mentally prepared myself for what I'd see from Waterrock Knob. With the reports of Appalachian region pollution picking up of late, I knew we probably would not find one of those famous Blue Ridge sunsets following our picnic dinner at the overlook.
I was right. The decreased view was a dramatic indication that the Smokies, so named because of the rain forest effect of clouds descending between peaks to cover the valley floor, now look like a more literal interpretation of the word. North Carolina may be one of the few states in the union to have escaped summer forest fires, but from Waterrock Knob Saturday night you'd swear the entire world must be burning by the amount of smoky haze hanging in the air. Since it was early evening and the threat of health concerns from breathing ozone had hopefully passed, Niki talked me into climbing the 0.2-mile distance to the upper overlook. We found construction had been going on, with upgraded handrails and a new rock wall and floor nearly completed. Niki, with the energy of a typical 6-year-old, wanted to climb to the top. Me, with a belly full of chicken, black-eyed peas and rice, fresh cucumbers and tomatoes, could not take another step. I got out of continuing the adventure by informing my daughter that I had to use the little girls' room. What I found in the bathroom was an unspeakable horror. Some uncaring individual had left a mess in the commode of the handicapped stall. I was reaching to flush when I saw smeared feces on the walls and floor. All I could do was slowly back out and try to keep my supper down. At another overlook on the parkway the next day, Niki and I were having a scavenger hunt. I asked her to find me a blackberry, and she obliged by bringing back a handful for us to share. I asked her to find an acorn, and she came back with a hickory nut. As I searched for an acorn to show her the difference in the two seeds, I found a condom lying in a patch of poison oak. Only the thought of an inflamed backside kept me from blowing a gasket. Don't think me a prude. If you want to do it under the stars, go ahead. Just don't tell me about it and definitely don't tell my 6-year-old. My problem is this - I've been under the mistaken impression that the majority of those who visit the Blue Ridge Parkway are there because of their love for nature. Since this is obviously not the case, I've devised a simple, five-question test that, upon its approval by the National Park System, will be administered to anyone wishing to drive, bicycle, walk, hike or ski this scenic highway. Here's the test: 1. True or False. Half-eaten ham sandwiches and the oil-soaked paper they're wrapped in are good for bears. 2. True or False. There are hundreds of strategically-placed trash cans along the 469 miles of the Blue Ridge Parkway from Cherokee to Waynesboro, Va. 3. True or False. You can pick all the wildflowers you like for your daughter's bridal bouquet on the parkway. 4. True or False. Blueberries and huckleberries are basically the same thing. 5. True or False. Visitors to the parkway are encouraged to leave their mark by carving their initials in trees, boulders or any of the 200-year-old pioneer structures along the road. Extra credit: Before setting out for a drive on the parkway, remove from your car/pockets every piece of trash and dispose of it properly. Each question is worth 20 points, with a 20-point extra credit assignment. In order to be allowed on the Blue Ridge Parkway, test takers must score at least an 80. But hurry up, you're holding up the line. |
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